This year was HARD.
We raised meat chickens (butchered them ourselves). Settled into a home. Fundraised and WENT to Haiti for a week. Struggled with high drama in several relationships. Oh, and at work, I consistently put in 50-60 hours. Per week. For months.
So yeah…. hard.
Call it disease, call it stress… it almost doesn’t matter… my body has been on a slow decline for the last year. We’re in the process of figuring out a plan on how to deal with these medical issues, but for now… I’ve had to slow down. Which again… is hard. (Did you read the list of hard stuff? No room for slowin’ down there.)
I went gluten-free to deal with one issue, and in some ways – along with medical intervention – that one specific issue has improved. But it didn’t eliminate any migraines or any other ailments. In fact… it all just continued slowly to get worse.
I’m going to be honest, it’s incredibly frustrating. As someone who doesn’t even let soy come into her home, as someone who has sanitized GMOs from her family’s diet… I feel a wee bit cheated. I feel like I did the right thing by our diets, and I’ve had new issues creep up instead.
I didn’t want to come here and write about all the success I’ve had in the kitchen. Well, because I HAVEN’T. Aside from my enthusiasm and proselytizing about healthy food being reduced, I positively didn’t have the energy. My kids have eaten so many sandwiches it’s ridiculous. I gave up making bread. I just COULDN’T anymore. My body didn’t have it in me. It’s a struggle to muster up the energy to do anything but the bare minimum… and I’m talking also about cleaning toilets and washing clothes. And this isn’t even touching on writing.
I felt as if I couldn’t come here and talk about these things because a) it wasn’t food related and part of the whole “eat-better” message I’ve been so intent on and b) it wasn’t encouraging. One of my biggest gripes about social internet presence is those that use it just to complain and garner pity. This wasn’t going to be what the blog was about. So, instead… I just chose not to write.
I miss it, though. I miss putting all my thoughts together into one space. Woven into all my past posts was my heart. Things I was enjoying. Things I was doing. The problem of course is that I just wasn’t cooking as much in the last several months (almost a year) and I didn’t know how to relate my writing to the mission of encouraging those around me to eat well.
So, this blog is going to change. I’m not going to delete it and undo anything. But I feel it needs to be relabeled, and to include a mission and title that’s more about me, my heart, and not so specific on food. (Don’t worry, as much as the energy level has decreased, I still LOVE to eat!! So food’s still up there.) I also have other things beating in my heart… I often end up writing tiny blurbs on my personal facebook page, but I think it makes more sense to combine this all in a blog. And Foodies Gone Real doesn’t necessarily fit.
I want to do what God’s called me to do well. I have never doubted He’s called me to write encouragement. Things will change because I want freedom – freedom to write as God calls, and not just bound up on what type of diet encouragement.
And don’t we all want freedom?