These last few months I have had to steel my nerves as we are about to move – and this is a fabulous move, just a few miles away – but a move nonetheless. And it’s not just any move, it’s a move that will likely launch us into farmerdom, and entails heavy gardening, chicken butchering, orchard caring. There’s been loads, and loads, and LOADS of research, and decisions, and more research and more decisions. I think I could sum my whole life up in a handful of spreadsheets. :-P
Our commitment to real food has expanded (or maybe joined forces?) with extended family. I think we all feel a little bit nuts, a little bit anxious, and alot excited.
I read alot of prairie books, and historical fiction – about the west and agrarian life – as a young girl. I think somewhere along the way it seemed impractical to desire such a life (although there was an idea amongst my sisters and I to resurrect the Flying “O” brand [our family/maiden name starts with “O”] after several decades of no ranching). I progressed into teenage years, was told I’d argue with a brick wall and decided that politics and law school would be the fit for me. Then I moved, God got ahold of me, placed an Italian-Upstate-New Yorker in my path and pretty much didn’t let me off the hook. I abandoned many of my “goals” to chase after domestic life (which I don’t regret one bit although I did return to work), then found myself in an industry I really, really liked – one that entailed a sharp mind, eye for detail and an uncanny desire to audit.
I could launch into a sermon about being who God intends you to be – and being comfortable enough in your own skin to just be ok with who you are: your dreams, your heart, your ideas, your way of thinking (all assuming it doesn’t conflict with the Word of God) – but the bottom line is this: I am turning 30 this year and I’ve just NOW become okay with how He made me. It is OKAY that I want to garden, and live in an old house, and butcher chickens. It doesn’t make me less a mom, wife. Doesn’t make me less less a woman, less a follower of Christ. If it doesn’t make me less in His eyes, why should desiring the things of old make me less in my own?
And let me tell you what… this agrarian life is one of the MANY things to which I’ve circled back. The realization of who I REALLY am, in many fields, ways, behaviors, beliefs, has made over my life – changed my marriage, changed my parenting, changed how I fit into my local church. I had to really stop doing things out of obligation, and paranoia about whether or not people would think less of me, and do the thing which God put in my heart decades ago. I had to stop believing the lies I’d AND Satan had told me about myself and listen to the heart of the Savior who redeemed me a long time ago.